Loneliness is company none of us wish to keep, but it does pay us unwelcome visits on occasion. When it arrives, we wish we could just shut the door. Does God offer any hope for lonely people? For people who struggle to find love, or who've lost their love.
I believe there are far more lonely people than most of us realize. I know lonely folks who frequent social clubs, enjoy their kids, appear to be successful at work, and even attend a place of worship. I know some who are single, some who are married, some who are popular and some who are unknown.
Loneliness can knock on anyone's door. How about yours?
Diagnosing loneliness is mostly a personal affair, so you have to ask yourself some honest questions. Do you genuinely care for other people? Is your life focused mostly on the success and pleasure of others? Do you feel a willingness to sacrifice your own well-being for others? Do you purposely seek to meet people's needs, even when there's nothing in it for you?
If not, you are either lonely or headed in that direction.
You see, long-term loneliness isn't a matter of not knowing people to befriend, it's an attitude issue. If you're living for yourself, if other people are just a means to your end of personal happiness, then even if you are married, popular, outgoing, and talented, your life will feel empty.
Throw your life into caring about others, seeking their highest good, and using your abilities to make the world a better place. People with this attitude rarely have trouble finding friends.
I don't mean to infer that all people who feel lonely today are self-absorbed. Some people experience loneliness after a tragic loss, pain that can only be healed through time and God's love. I would suggest, however, that the way to shut the door on long-term loneliness is to insure that you never allow life to become you-centered.
So if I'm lonely, what should I do?
1. Develop a secret life. Jesus talked about the secret life in Matthew 6, describing how generosity and prayer should be done for the honor of God, not our own honor. It might seem counterintuitive to suggest secrecy to combat loneliness. But consider, a relationship with God is the foundation of a well-balanced life. Without it, everything else will be empty.
2. Pursue friendships. As the old proverbs says, "A man who has friends must show himself friendly." What's stopping you from being the one who invites people over? Or asking a few people from church to go to lunch? Or taking pies to your neighbors, just to wish them a happy day? Develop a warm handshake and look people in the eye when you greet them. Care to remember their names and look for ways you can be a blessing in their lives. Friendship takes work, and a bit of patience, to develop.
3. Look for service opportunities. Did you know that doing "good works" with others is one of the best ways to develop great friendships? There's something about serving the needy, cleaning the church, going on an overseas missions trip or helping on a ministry team that bonds people together in a special way. How better to practice an others-centered lifestyle? The more you allow yourself to get involved in serving others, the less lonely you'll be.
If you're one of those "I have everything and I'm still lonely" types, remember this simple formula: "Life isn't about me." Make that your mantra, and ask God to help you discover its implications, and it won't be long before there's no room in your life for loneliness.
Dan originally wrote this article for publication in the Marco Island Sun Times.
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